How to Effectively Manage Your Thoughts in Challenging Situations

What happens to your thoughts when you are in a challenging or uncomfortable situation?

Perhaps you notice they sound aggressive (blaming others or feeling angry), avoidant (feeling like you can’t deal with this or wanting to immediately escape), or maybe you feel paralyzed or stuck by your thoughts (feeling extremely overwhelmed or unsure what to do). This question is important to ponder because these thoughts are not only shaped by the context of the stressful situation—but by past experiences, beliefs, and emotional states.

Life is full of challenges, and how we respond to them can define our experiences and outcomes. In this blog post, we will explore what happens to our thoughts during challenging situations, how these thoughts can affect us, and practical strategies for managing them effectively.

Processes That Occur in Our Brains During Challenging Situations

When we are confronted with challenging situations, our brains work to interpret and respond in a way that will protect us. Although the intention of our brain is to keep us safe, it does not mean the process it uses is always the most effective. Here are some of the processes that may occur:

1. Fight, Flight, or Freeze
   The part of our brain (the amygdala) responsible for alerting our fear and threat response is often associated with physical danger. However, it is also triggered by emotional and psychological stress. The amygdala pairs emotions with experiences, people, places, or things.
   For example, if an individual was bitten by a dog, the amygdala may associate fear (emotion) with dogs (thing). So now, every time one sees a dog, survival mechanisms may kick in and sound like:
   • “I hate dogs and I don’t trust people with dogs” (fight).
   • “I need to get as far away from this dog as possible” (flight).
   • “I feel so overwhelmed anytime I see a dog; I don’t know what to do” (freeze).
2. Recognizing how our thoughts respond to a current stressor can indicate if we are reacting from a survival mode state—fight, flight, or freeze.
3. Cognitive Appraisal
   Famous psychologist Richard Lazarus discovered the cognitive appraisal theory, which revolutionized cognitive psychology. This theory suggests that our emotions are the result of our interpretations of an event, rather than the event itself.
   After our initial reaction, the theory suggests your brain starts interpreting the situation. If you assess the situation as manageable, your thoughts might become solution-focused. However, if you perceive the challenge as overwhelming or unbearable, your thoughts are likely to spiral into negativity or self-doubt.
4. Core Beliefs
   Core beliefs are learned, deeply ingrained thoughts and ideas about ourselves, the world, and others. These beliefs live in our subconscious mind, which controls about 90–95% of our behaviors.
   Why is that important? Because if these core beliefs are negative, for example, “No one likes me,” “I am unlovable,” or “Nothing ever goes right,” then we are behaving in ways (subconsciously) that keep these beliefs alive.
   Negative beliefs are likely to be activated in challenging situations, influencing how we respond. Identifying our core beliefs can be challenging, as they are often deeply rooted in childhood experiences. With the support of a therapist, you can bring these beliefs to your consciousness and, in turn, help increase your effectiveness in responding to challenging situations.

How Do I Know if My Thoughts Are Helpful in Challenging Situations?

Now that we understand some of the processes that occur, we can ask and reflect on our own process. Do you find yourself spiraling into negative thinking patterns when faced with challenging situations? If you answered yes, you are not alone.

In fact, during challenging situations, it’s common for our thoughts to become distorted. In psychology, we refer to negative thinking patterns as cognitive distortions. These distortions can affect how we interpret events, perceive ourselves, and make decisions. Here are some of the most common distortions that may reinforce stress and anxiety-provoking thoughts:

• All-or-Nothing Thinking (Black-and-White Thinking): Seeing situations in extreme, either/or terms, without considering any middle ground.
• Overgeneralization: Making broad conclusions based on a single event or piece of evidence.
• Jumping to Conclusions: Making assumptions without evidence. This includes two types:
  • Mind Reading: Believing you know what others are thinking, often negatively.
  • Fortune Telling: Predicting the future negatively, without any evidence.
• Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst-case scenario or viewing a situation as far worse than it actually is.
• Emotional Reasoning: Believing that because you feel something, it must be true.

Distorted thinking can prevent us from seeing solutions or feeling like we have choices. Challenging cognitive distortions can broaden our perspective, increase resilience, and help us problem-solve and navigate challenges more effectively. Recognizing these distortions is the first step toward challenging them and shifting to more effective thinking patterns.

Strategies for Managing Challenging Situations More Effectively

Learning to manage your thoughts is a skill, which means it can be learned. Just like playing the piano, painting, or singing, it takes practice. Here are some strategies to start building this skill:

1. Trade Self-Criticism for Self-Coaching
   If you find yourself in a challenging situation, be a coach to yourself. Walk yourself through the challenge step by step and practice refraining from self-criticism. For example, shift from “I can’t believe I got myself into this situation; how can I be so foolish?” to “I can get through this and learn from this mistake.”
2. Pause
   We are often so busy that we may not even notice the thoughts that arise when we experience a challenge. The next time you face a challenging situation, take a second to pause and notice what your thoughts sound like.
   You may notice similar patterns and responses repeat. For example, you might find your automatic response is to be defensive or aggressive in multiple situations. Pause to take inventory and remind yourself that this is a survival or trauma response—it is not the only possible way to respond. There are alternatives and choices. Mindfulness practices can help build this pause.
3. Seek Support
   Share your thoughts with a trusted professional. Building this skill for yourself is not only crucial for effective problem-solving but also essential for maintaining your mental health. Continuous negative thoughts can lead to feelings of anxiety, sadness, frustration, hopelessness, and, in more severe cases, depression.
   Awakened Path is here to help you foster resilience and reconstruct your thoughts.

Take Back Control

Challenging situations are inevitable, but your thoughts about them can become an asset. By understanding your cognitive response, identifying unhelpful thought patterns, and practicing strategies for managing your thoughts, you can navigate difficulties effectively.

Remember, shaping your thoughts means shaping your life. When the next challenge arises, take a deep breath, pause, and remind yourself: “I can handle this.”

“Our lives are what our thoughts make them.” – Marcus Aurelius

About The Author

Devonna Gonsalves, LSW, Holistic Therapist (She/Her/Hers)

Devonna is passionate about supporting individuals on their quest to achieve a clear sense of self, increased self-worth, and a more fulfilled life. She has a background in working with teens, young adults, and families since 2015. Devonna has taken a particular interest in working with adolescents experiencing self-esteem challenges, lack of motivation, social isolation, deep sadness, racing thoughts, intense worry, or a constant sense of dread. In addressing these symptoms individuals achieve an improved quality of life, increased ability to function and relate in a more positive way with their environment. Parents are invited to play an integral supportive role in treatment by participating in parenting sessions that improve child-parent relationships. Through a holistic-centered therapy approach, Devonna empowers clients to connect with their physical sensations/symptoms, thought patterns, and emotional/behavioral reactions.

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