Parenting is the most rewarding journey many of us will experience in life, but let’s face it – it can also be one of the most difficult. From sleepless nights with a newborn to the rebellious phases of teenagers, parents can experience a range of emotions, including anger and frustration. These feelings are natural, and we promise that you’re not a bad person for having them. However, when left unchecked, they can impact the parent-child relationship, the child’s emotional health, and family harmony.
Mindfulness in Parenting
Mindfulness, the practice of being fully present and engaged in the moment, offers a powerful tool for overcoming anger in parenting challenges. By incorporating mindfulness into daily life, parents can better manage their emotions, respond calmly to their children’s needs, and foster a positive, nurturing environment. By staying present and fully engaged with their children through mindful parenting, parents can recognize their own triggers and emotional responses before they escalate.
Techniques to Support Parents
Mindful Breathing: Taking deep, slow breaths can help calm the mind and body, reducing the immediate intensity of anger and frustration. This simple technique can be practiced anywhere, anytime. Use visual aids like this one or this one to get into the habit of mindful breathing.
Somatic Release: Somatic release is a therapeutic approach that focuses on the body-mind connection to help release stress, trauma, and tension stored in the body. To begin practicing somatic release, listen to your body. When you feel frustrated or angry, step away if possible and tune into your body for a moment. Where do you feel these emotions physically? Is your jaw tense? Are your hands clenched? Become aware of these sensations and focus on relaxing that part of your body to help release the feeling. Techniques such as deep breathing, gentle movement, and touch can be used to facilitate the release of physical tension. For example, if your fists are clenched, open up your hands and rub your palms together, sending breath to that part of your body.
Pause and Reflect: When feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to pause and reflect before reacting. This can prevent impulsive responses and help in finding a more thoughtful and constructive way to address the situation. This is especially important when you are having a tense discussion with your child or another family member.
Meditation: Regular meditation can enhance overall emotional regulation and resilience. Even a few minutes a day can make a significant difference in how parents handle stress and negative emotions. Studies show that meditation increases our ability to regulate our emotions and decreases aggression.
Making Mindfulness a Daily Habit
Incorporating mindfulness into daily routines can seem challenging, especially during busy and stressful times. Here are some tips to make it a habit:
Set Aside Time: Setting aside time for mindfulness as a busy parent requires intentionality and flexibility. Start by incorporating short, manageable practices into your daily routine, such as taking a few deep breaths before getting out of bed, practicing mindful breathing while waiting in line, or doing a quick body scan before sleep. Use everyday moments, like washing dishes or walking to the car, as opportunities for mindfulness. Communicate your need for a few minutes of uninterrupted time to your family, and consider waking up a bit earlier or staying up a bit later to find a quiet moment for yourself. Prioritizing these small, consistent practices can help integrate mindfulness into your life without requiring significant time commitments.
Use Reminders: Setting reminders to practice mindfulness can help integrate these moments into your daily routine. Set alarms or notifications on your phone at specific times of the day, such as morning, lunchtime, and evening, to prompt brief mindfulness practices. Place visual cues, like sticky notes with mindfulness prompts, around your home or workspace—on the bathroom mirror, refrigerator, or car dashboard. Pair mindfulness with regular activities, like taking a few deep breaths while waiting for your coffee to brew or doing a 5-minute body scan meditation while your children are napping. By embedding these reminders into your daily schedule and environment, you can create consistent opportunities for mindfulness amidst the busyness of parenting.
Make Your Goals Realistic: Start small – begin with just a few minutes of mindfulness each day. Even one to five minutes can be effective and more manageable. Acknowledge and celebrate when you successfully incorporate mindfulness into your day, even if it’s just for a minute. This positive reinforcement can motivate you to continue with mindful parenting.
Overcoming Roadblocks
Parents often face barriers to maintaining mindfulness, such as time constraints and self-doubt. Here are ways to overcome these challenges:
Time Constraints: Practice mindful listening and presence during interactions with your children, turning everyday moments into opportunities for mindfulness. Prioritize self-care by scheduling short, regular breaks for mindfulness, even if it’s just five minutes, and be flexible with your expectations, knowing that consistency matters more than duration. By embedding mindfulness into your daily life in small, manageable ways, you can gradually build a more mindful approach to parenting without feeling overwhelmed.
Self-Doubt: Overcoming self-doubt and guilt as an angry parent involves a combination of self-compassion, self-awareness, and proactive strategies. Start by acknowledging that parenting is challenging and that feeling anger or frustration is normal. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend in a similar situation, recognizing that making mistakes is part of the learning process. Seek support from other parents, support groups, or a therapist to share experiences and gain perspective.
Finding Calm as a Parent with Young Children or Babies
As a new parent, you may still be adjusting to the challenges of caring for your little one. Unfortunately, self-care tends to be forgotten or simply not possible with hectic schedules and the demands of parenthood and providing for your family. Lack of time for yourself, postpartum hormones, isolation, lack of sleep, and heightened emotions can result in you and/or your partner feeling frustrated, and at times, angry.
Embrace Routine
Establishing a predictable daily rhythm can significantly reduce feelings of anger and frustration, providing a sense of stability and peace for you and the rest of your family. Regular sleep and feeding schedules help regulate a baby’s internal clock, leading to better sleep patterns for both the baby and the parents. When parents follow a routine, they often feel more in control and competent in their parenting role. This increased confidence can help mitigate feelings of self-doubt and frustration. Building a solid routine also allows you to set aside time for stress-relieving activities – meditation, exercise, preparing healthy foods, and seeking therapy to name a few.
Ask for Help
Sometimes, society can shame us into thinking we must “do it all” alone. But in reality, parents and families thrive with support from their communities. Asking for help from your spouse, family, friends, or even a paid nanny, babysitter, or housekeeper can greatly reduce the mental load and pressure you feel as a parent.
Incorporating Mindfulness as a Frustrated Parent of Teens
Practice Mindfulness as a Family
By engaging your teen(s) and the entire family in your mindfulness practice, you can teach them healthy habits while finding calm yourself. Mindfulness helps family members recognize and manage their emotions more effectively – this means fewer reactive outbursts and a greater ability to stay calm during conflicts. Shared mindfulness practices also create opportunities for connection and understanding, helping to bridge the gap between parent and child and foster mutual respect.
Introduce short meditation sessions that everyone can participate in. Build a 15-minute meditation time into your family’s routine. If your teen(s) would like to try meditation in private, you can give them tools such as apps like Headspace and Calm.
Partake in Mindful Listening
Pay close attention to what your child is saying without judgment or immediate reaction. This fosters better communication and understanding, reducing conflicts and misunderstandings. When speaking with your teen, give them your full attention. Put away any distractions such as your phone, laptop, or TV. For difficult conversations, choose quiet, comfortable environments. Use active listening by asking thoughtful questions and ensuring you understand them by summarizing what they say. Avoid interrupting your child and pause before speaking.
Additional Resources for Anger and Frustration in Parenting
For further support in managing anger and frustration in a holistic and healthy way, consider exploring these resources:
Books:
- “Brain-Body Parenting” by Mona Delahooke
- “The Whole-Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
- “Raising Good Humans” by Hunter Clarke-Fields.
Blogs:
Therapy: Engaging in therapy can provide personalized strategies and support. Awakened Path Counseling offers specialized services to help parents navigate the complexities of parenting with mindfulness.
Mindful parenting is a journey of self-discovery and growth. By embracing mindfulness, parents can cultivate a more peaceful and positive family environment, overcoming anger and frustration with grace and compassion. At Awakened Path Counseling, we’re here to support you every step of the way on your mindful parenting journey. Contact us to learn more about how we can help your family.
